The Homestead - The Next Chapter

I dedicate this blog to a family so close to me that I call them my own.  The house is finally built and the family is ready to move in. All the excitement, the dogs and the house sits on lots of land as far as the eye can see. A beautiful pond with roaming deer that would come to the fence for their 5 pm feeding every day. The love and memories this house has is one that will stay in our hearts forever.

As time goes by the three children grow up and all get married. Have the own families and are at the home every weekend sharing their childhood memories with their own children. Oh you can still smell the wonderful meals that were cooked in this house, I was so lucky to be a weekend regular growing up and shared in all the love this family has.

A few years ago the mom started losing her memory, The anxiety grew for her as  she felt the changes in her heart. Her beautiful home, the deer she feed so many times, the long walks to the pond with her children and her beloved husband were slowly slipping away. This is when we knew she was diagnosed with dementia. A very cruel yet blessing disease for those that have to go thru it.

There were decisions to make and big changes were happening for this lovely family. The mom had to be placed in a facility but fortunately enough the dad was able to get a place that was across the street. Their children and their grandchildren come visit all the time.

But the homestead was sold and everyone's lives has changed. This past weekend we had the last cookout of 1000 out there to relish in the memories and to soak in all the love one could do. The rooms were empty and a home that was once filled with laughter was suddenly silent.

This family has lost the homestead but they will always have the memories to keep in their heart. When we lose something in our life that represents our security and our family it shakes us to the core. But my friends our life is a journey of chapters that we are never to know but are build off our prior chapters.

The tears will flow for the loss of their changed life however there will be excitement for the next chapter to come along. The glue this family has will be an unbreakable bond for live. I love each and everyone of you and thank you so much for allowing me to share these memories with you.  Love, Polly

Birthday Eve when someone in your heart is missing!

I dedicate this blog to everyone out there that walks in my shoes. The night before your birthday. Another year older, some things have changed while others remain the same. My life as I knew it will never be the same. We don't know what to expect in our journey thru life. Nor do we have the control. I will be blessed with texts and phone calls from my boys Mitchell and Greg wishing me a wonderful birthday and I hope you are having a great day. Can't wait for dinner tonight for you! However the 6 am text from Ben my child who watches over us from Heaven will not arrive tomorrow.  The text thru out the day from him "Hope your having a good day !" Dinner tomorrow night with my sons Mitchell and Greg , a chair will always remain empty.

But my friends the pain in my heart will  be there forever as a piece of my heart left this earth with him. I am so blessed for everything I do have in my life. I have three of the most amazing boys whom my love is endless for each of them. I am so very proud of Mitchell and Greg whom I know everyday have those feeling of emptiness and pain in silence in their hearts who carry themselves everyday with their warm smiles and caring ways to everyone thru out their day while some do not  know  their story.

This next year of my life I will continue to move forward and count my blessing for what I have and be thankful for all the love I have in my life from so many.

Ben, Mitchell and Greg  you truly are the loves of my life and every breath I take on this earth you make my life a little bit easier with all your love. I encourage everyone to make the most of your life and start today!


Siblings who have lost a Brother or Sister

This may be one of the hardest things to witness, experience as a parent who has lost a child. The home is so full of company and the parents are surrounded by loved ones as well as the kids. Somehow I feel the sibling of the lost child feel lost and hopeless. They are so worried about their parents that they seem to be consumed with that which delays their own grieving. The pain can be so hard to process as a child. Everything in their life has suddenly changed. Depending on the order of the ages in my case it was my oldest son. He was our go to son. The boys actual best friend. 

Grief can be delayed for years and months in children before they are ready to show their emotion. When the time comes it may come out of nowhere and in the form of an unknown topic. Take a deep breath and listen. Their anger may be directed at you and you find yourself defending it or justifying it. The best way to handle is to listen with all of your heart to theirs. Give them time to express their pain.

This will break your heart and literally bring you to your knees.  Losing a child before the parents go is an awful  painful out of the order that is  not suppose to happen. Then have brothers and sisters digesting it.  Reassure them that you are human and you understand what they feel.. 

Friends Will Get You Through

Welcome to my first blog on Ben There Life Coaching. I would like to discuss how important it is in your life to have friends. In our lives we all experience tragic times and wonderful times. Both are the perfect time to have your friends. A friend is someone that you can count on in any situation. It is a strong bond between two people that words don't even need to be exchanged to have a conversation. Being a good friend is just as important as having good friends. When my son Ben died in December 2012., It was my family and the love of friends that helped me gain my strength to get up in the morning. 

Your friends will always be there for you and never judge. Being compassionate and full of love for one another are the ground rules for a special friendship. You can never truly burden a true friend. They pick you up and dust you off with a hug and send you on your way.

I would like to say thank you to all of my friends that were there for me during the darkest days of my life and still remain to be   a very important part of my life. I love and cherish our bond.